If You Were My Attorney


I would like you to picture yourself as a partner in one of the most prestigious law firms in our state. Your law firm holds the highest rating according to Martindale Hubbel, which ranks all the law firms throughout America, you hold the same rating as F. Lee Bailey and Johnny Cochran. You are seated in a very plush office, mahogany wood paneling, four piece crown molding, large desk, and a very comfortable chair.

I come to you as a long time friend and ask you to handle some of the legal situations for my whole family, which includes my wife, and two teenage daughters that drive. Now, I know a law firm of your caliber charges $200 - $350 / hour, but since we are friends, I would like to work out an arrangement. I cannot afford $200 / hour for your services so I would like to work out a monthly retainer for a number of issues that would be covered at no charge as long as I am pay you this monthly retainer.

I would like this retainer to cover me in all of the states. If you have to refer me to another law firm in another state, I would like you to pay that law firm out of this monthly arrangement that we work out.

First, I want you to set up a toll free number that we can call you on your dime about any legal matters, personal or business during normal business hours. And since your law firm has several lawyers and they differ in specialties, I would like to talk to only those lawyers in your firm that specialize in that particular field that I am asking about. In other words, I do not want to discuss a tax question with a divorce lawyer and I do not want to discuss a divorce situation with a tax attorney.

Plus, when it would help to have a letter written or a phone call made on our behalf, I want you to do that for me as many times as the need arises, it could be that I need a letter written to get back a security deposit that a landlord will not give back. It could be the drycleaners ruined my nicest suit and will not pay for the damages. Whatever it is, I want you to write these letters for us, and start adding this up on a monthly retainer.

Also, prior to signing any contract or document, I want you to review it. Because I know that old saying, the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away has came true for me in the past and now I want you to protect me from the legal jargon that I do not understand.

I would also like your best estate attorney to draft my Will. Then each year I would like it reviewed and updated at no charge. Now I understand that drafting a will can cost $500 or more, but I want you to just add the will in this monthly arrangement.

I will also need you to handle all moving traffic violations for me or my family. If we get a speeding ticket, run a stop sign, or are involved in an accident that is our fault, I want you to represent us to keep the points off of our license to keep our insurance rates from increasing. If this situation happens in another state, I want you to hire an attorney from that state and pay them out of our monthly retainer. I want you to do this an unlimited number of times, once a year or 3 times a day. I also want you to represent me if the IRS ever decides to audit me.

Just keep adding this up on a monthly retainer.
If we are ever involved in an accident and anyone in my family is charged with vehicular manslaughter, or negligent homicide, I would like you to represent us from the time we are charged until the verdict is read out of this monthly retainer. I could not afford the tens of thousands of dollars it would cost just to have a good lawyer represent us, and auto insurance has nothing to do with you when it comes to these criminal charges.

Keep adding this up on our monthly retainer.
Also I would like you to give us a toll free number where we can reach you 24 hours a day in case we are ever questioned or detained by the police where we may need you right away to protect our rights. Now what would your law firm charge me and my family for these services covering us all across the country on a monthly retainer? (I have had responses as much as $400.00 per month)

Well, since I can’t afford your $200/hr or the monthly fee that you just told me, and since we are such good friends, let's work out another deal if you don’t mind. I buy a cup of coffee everyday at the 7-11 down the street before going to work, so instead, I am going to buy 2 cups ever day, and give you a cup of coffee every day in exchange for these services for me and my family. Do we have a deal?


If you want more information about legal plans please email me.